Us Cats Darwin Awards 2004 Us Cats

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    Subject: Fw: 2004 Darwin Awards Date: Wed, 3 Nov 2004 20:41:48 -0600
    
     As you may know, the Darwin Awards go to people who have done their best
    to remove themselves from the gene pool.  The last award is a beauty
    2004 Darwin Awards Nominees
    ________________________________________________
    This year's nine nominees are:
    Nominee No.  1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
    shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
    accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
    hole in his gut.
    
    Nominee No.  2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
    Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
    describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck
    on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
    source of a troubling noise.  Burns' clothes caught on something,
    however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft!"
    
    Nominee No.  3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,
    accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC.  Awakening
    to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the
    phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged
    when he drew it to his ear.  (For whatever reason, residents of Southern
    states always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees).
    
    Nominee No.  4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
    safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
    pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death.  A police
    spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
    Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
    strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.  He
    previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength.
    
    Nominee No.  5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with
    no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by
    his own gas emissions.  There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy
    showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.  His diet had
    consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).
    It was just the right combination of foods.  It appears that the man died
    in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over
    his bed.  Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
    have been fatal.  But the man was shut up in his nearly-airtight bedroom.
    According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for
    creating this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
    
    Nominee No.  6: [The !  News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made
    News of the Weird posthumously.  He had spent several years awaiting
    South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
    sentence reduced to life in prison.  While sitting on a metal toilet in
    his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
    electrocuted.  (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)
    
    Nominee No.  7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
    triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN.  A Jay County man, using a
    cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle-loader, was killed
    Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
    investigators said.  Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
    rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM.  Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a
    54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly.  He was using
    the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun powder ignited!
    
    Nominee No.  8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
    feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
    suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death.  Stefan Macko, 55, was
    standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
    D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police.  "It appears that the chair
    moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.  (Another Ontario
    entry....  I wonder if people are moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
    
    Finally the Winner!!!!!
    
    [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their
    pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State
    Highway 38 early Monday.  Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported
    the accident shortly after midnight Monday.  Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc,
    and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a
    frog-gigging trip.  On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck
    headlights malfunctioned.  The two men concluded that the headlight
    fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.  As a replacement fuse was
    not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullet from his pistol
    fit perfect into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column.  Upon
    inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and
    the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.  After
    traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river,
    the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
    testicles.  The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and
    striking a tree.  Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
    accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
    testicles, which will never operate as intended.  Wallis sustained a broken
    clavicle and was treated and released.
    "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off,
    or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.
    "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is
    a first for me.  I can't believe that those two would admit how this
    accident happened," said Snyder.  Upon being notified of the wreck,
    Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did
    anyone get them from the truck???
    Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
    normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
    Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.
    
    "THAT'S ALL FOLKS"....SEE YA IN 2005
    


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