Idiots at Work ...
IDIOTS AT WORK...
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when
the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not
complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked
why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on
the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I
signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that
signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it,
they matched.
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health &
Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to
lubricate your eyes."
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by
cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of
mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained
that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded,
appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving
the company due to downsizing, our manager spoke up and said, "this
is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word
was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the
headlights of an approaching truck.
Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system
would not turn on.
Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick
up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in
it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the
passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered it was open. Hey, I announced to the technician,
"It's open!"
"I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side."
Management Lessons
********************************************************************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the
crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
********************************************************************
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,
"but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he
was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by
a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
********************************************************************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's
responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all
the money. "And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the
eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea
of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself
up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the
hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and
the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be
the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work
while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
********************************************************************
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm
it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing
and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
Steve and Brigid 
eMail Us
