Parents Job
JOB DESCRIPTION FOR A PARENT:
POSITION:
Parent
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long-term player needed for challenging, permanent work in chaotic
environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work evenings and
weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts. There is some overnight
travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites
on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Must Keep this job for the rest of your life. Must be willing
to be hated, at least temporarily.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.
Must be willing to tackle stimulating technical challenges
such as small gadget repair, sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing, as well as
floor maintenance and janitorial work.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and levels of mentality.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an
embarrassment the next.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end project.
ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
There is no possibility or either. Your job is to remain in the same
position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately
surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, but on-the-job training is offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES:
None. In fact, you must pay those in your charge, offering frequent
raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 and
attend college. When you die, you give them whatever income
you have left.
BENEFITS:
There is no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options.
However, the job offers limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs for life!
Steve and Brigid 
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